It's important to have goals....

You know, hip-hop has taught me many things: how to struggle in the face of adversity, the plight of urban decay, how to "ask papi for a brick and a half," but never really relationship stuff. Sure, I've absorbed as much misogyny as the next fan, whether it be Nelly using a thong-line as an ATM machine or Beanie Sigel fucking "until change fall out of that ass," but those aren't things I would ever want to do or hope would happen (although that would be pretty damn convenient if you needed some cash in a bind...)



I now have what I think is a harmless/ridiculous goal for fucking/a relationship:



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wumtbq0RGLo



This dude Adnan...messes with Britney Spears once and BAM! She's got a British accent. It took Guy Ritchie several years, two kids, and a whole lotta Kaballah to get to that point. But Adnan just has that magic touch. I mean, look at him. He's a paparazzi, he's got a Gotti kids blowup, and his chin looks distinctly like the female no-no spot.





He's no Dodi Fayed! And I think Brit has a fried chicken stain on her shirt (and a couple other friends. Real Classy Britney).

Calling you on the phone everyday? Stalking you at your place of business? That's nothing! Giving someone a permanent faux accent...I can only hope for such a wonderful thing.


So before I kick Perez Hilton away from my computer, I need to re-list my life goals, in no particular order:

-Write like Dao Strom

-Play guitar like Johnny Marr

-Fuck like Adnan